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I am a big fan of Peter Kay. I can watch his DVD’s over and over again and still cry with laughter. Lately I have been re-watching the DVD box set of “Phoenix Nights” So I decided that I would search for one of the funniest clips and post it today. But before we get to the video I have a few funny quotes from him:

I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said ‘Thyroid problem?’

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

S*x is like playing bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’

Peter Kays Question Time:

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.