blogpig.co.uk

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed…..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows….0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1
You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty……0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom…..-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings……+5
In the snow …..+8
But return with beer…..-5
And no liners…..-25

More

It’s your last day in the job you hate, do you:

1) Leave gracefully with a smile on your face and thank all those idiots that you have worked with for making the last umpteen years so enjoyable.

2) Pack up your things and leave through the back door, hoping no-one will notice.

3) Leave them a memory that they will never forget.

U.S Gymnast Paul Hunt has performed at various events & Venues around the world as his alter ego Paulette Huntinova. He is so funny and should have won a medal for the following routines.

The floor exercise at the 1988 USA-USSR display in Los Angeles.

(more…)

I honestly did not realise that sunbathing for men could be this painful LOL

Some of these office pranks are just not funny. How sore would number 3 be and to be honest I really would not be pleased if I turned up at my office to be greeted by number 4……in fact I would probably just die on the spot!

1 - The Tin Foil Office.

(more…)

You know you have definitely hit the big time when your trash looks like this!

This pic was apparently taken outside a house in Beverly Hills. Louis Vuitton rubbish bags…..Whatever next???

A Senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120mph; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

‘Amazing!’ he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

‘I can get away from him - no problem!’ thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 160mph, then 200mph, then 240mph. Suddenly, he thought, ‘What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!’ So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, ‘Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.’

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.’

‘Have a good day, Sir,’ said the policeman.

Here is a video of a Bride and Grooms first dance! It’s definitely a first waltz with a difference LOL!

http://view.break.com/517951 - Watch more free videos

What could possibly be the harshest things that a woman can say to a naked man? Any ideas?? Cant think of any off the top of your head?? Well here are just a few to start you off, if you really want to be that nasty LOL!!

1. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
2. Why don’t we just cuddle?
3. Make it dance.
4. Wow, and your feet are so big.
5. It’s okay, we’ll work around it.

More

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you???”

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8 You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You won’t remember where you found this list!