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This STUPID sailor tries to cut his small baot infron of a rather larger boat.

Guy blows off grenade by accident

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The NHS is getting worse these days LOL

SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS

Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, providing your share of the work is done.

ABSENCE FOR YOUR OWN DEATH

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker.Both workers’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

DRESS CODE

You must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise. Thank you for your continued loyalty. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day

The Management

When my sister Sarah got married, she asked to wear our mum’s wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time me and mum were sitting in the living room waiting for Sarah to come down the stairs. There she was, looking stunning, the dress was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mum’s eyes welled with tears and I put my arm around her.

“You’re not losing a daughter,” I reminded her in time-honored fashion. “You’re gaining a son.”

“Oh, forget about that!” she said with a sob. “I used to fit into that dress!”

Only a few more days until Entourage kicks off season five on HBO. We are pumped and can’t wait to hang out with Vince and the boys once again.

Now it is time to get to one of the best parts of the whole show. Johnny Drama.

Here are some of his best quotes and some video clips.

Johnny Drama Quotes:

Turtle: I thought he quit?
Johnny Drama: Cigarettes, not pussy.

Eric: We had breakup-sex, all right?
Johnny Drama: Breakup-sex? Never heard of it.
Eric: Yeah, I mean… you know… you have sex and… that’s it – you say goodbye.
Johnny Drama: [pauses to think] That’s the only kinda sex I have.

Via

Everyone knows someone who at some point has overdone the spray tan. A neighbour or a relative who has turned “Dale Winton Orange” or a colleague with the same colour skin as “Des O’Connor”…….NICE!!

Here are a few people who just may have had one coat too many. Do they really think that they look good?

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Is the world getting that bad that we have to place drunken signposts all over?

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Would you give them your cash???

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A man arrives at the Pearly Gates. He sees a sign that says, “Men dominated by their wives.” This line is VERY long.

He sees another sign that says, “Men NOT dominated by their wives.” This line has only one man standing in it.

He walks over to this man and says, “Wow, you mean that you are the only one not dominated by his wife?”

The man shrugs and says, “I guess so, my wife told me to stand here.”

Would you pass the interview?

He prances around the ring. Giving spectators high fives, doing somersaults and jumping around like an arrogant idiot. It always pays not to be too cocky!