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Here are just a few links to places that I have visited over the last few weeks whilst aimlessly trawling the Internet for the unknown.

They are probably old but I enjoyed them!!!!

Britney smashes into a parked car
The ultimate mobile phone earring
Where did Tower Bridge go?
Blue lagoon island for sale on Ebay for 25 million euro
Porky pooper candy dispenser
Draw a pig – Personality test
Are you dumb?

Frequent Flyer’s Ten Golden Rules

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Airlines Acronyms Explained

Alitalia: Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
Alitalia: Always Late In Take-off Always Late In Arrival
American: Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and Nausea
BOAC: Better On A Camel
Delta: Don’t Ever Leave The Airport
Delta: Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive
El Al: Every Landing Always Late
Olympic: Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash
PIA: Perhaps I’ll Arrive
Sabena: Such A Bad Experience – Never Again
SAS: Sex After Service
TAP: Take Another Plane
TWA: That Was Awful
TWA: Try With Another

Colditz castle was once home to the Nazis’ most secure prisoner of war camp. It was supposed to have been escape proof.

Most attempts to escape Colditz failed, some tried to escape through tunnels and some by dressing up as women or German officers. But in it’s history, only 32 prisoners ever escaped and made it home.

Now Colditz Castle is undergoing a makeover and trying to get itself noticed within the tourism industry. It is encouraging more Germans as well as holidaymakers from abroad to “Escape To Colditz”

The grey prison walls have been painted white and the solitary confinement cells have been transformed into offices, while the commandants quarters are now an international youth hostel.

Amazing as it may seem, Colditz Castle is now being marketed as a holiday destination.

(more…)

Here are just a few more jokes and funny quotes about flying:

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

A man was caught in a flood. Two men came by in a boat to rescue him, but he waved them away shouting “No the Lord will save me”
One hour later another boat came along, but the man said “No the Lord will save me”
Eventually, a helicopter arrived but the man insisted, “The Lord will save Me”
Unfortunately the man drowned and at the gates of heaven he asked St. Peter “Why didn’t the Lord save me?”
St. Peter replied “for crying out loud, he sent two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?!”

Aviation Quotes:

“That’s not flying, that’s just falling with style.”

— Woody, from the 1996 movie ‘Toy Story,’ regarding Buzz Lightyear.

“Mumbai, what number am I in the landing sequence?”
“By the time you land, sir, you will be number one.”

Imagine yourself about to jet off on a luxury holiday. To places where there are miles upon miles of Golden sandy beaches, places where the turquoise never ending seas meet the blue sun filled skies.

Here are just a few pics of exotic golden beaches from simply stunning places.

I can just picture myself laying on any of these beaches, basking in the sunshine whilst sipping a cool drink.

Fuammulak, Maldives

Hamilton Bay, Bermuda
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Here are a few funny jokes and quotes about flying.

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:

The second officer says, “Oh shit!”
The first officer says, “I have an idea!”
The captain say, “Hey, watch this!”

Why I Want To Be A Pilot

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it’s a fun job and easy to
do. That’s why there are so many pilots flying around these days.

Pilots don’t need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers
so they can read their instruments.

I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won’t get scared it it’s foggy and they
can’t see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can’t
be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them
than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money
than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that
flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don’t because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don’t get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick,
I couldn’t be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson S chool, Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.

I don’t like flying because I’m afraid of crashing into a large
mountain. I don’t think Dramamine is going to help.

— Kaffie, in the 1992 movie ‘A Few Good Men.’

If God had intended man to fly, He would not have invented Spanish Air Traffic Control.

— Lister, in the BBC TV series, ‘Red Dwarf.’

Airline P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Glasgow, we hope you enjoyed your flight and thank you for flying Easyjet. If you didn’t enjoy your flight, thank you for flying Ryanair.

— heard by a Great Aviation Quotes reader, 2005.

If black boxes survive air crashes — why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

— George Carlin

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I’ll kick you”.

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”

Yes it’s time for yet another “My Top 5 Favourite”

This weeks top 5 favourites are the places I would love to visit.

Here they are:

1. Florida
2. Bahamas
3. Mexico
4. The Great Wall Of China
5. Australia